#21- YOU'RE NOWHERE...'TIL YOU ARE

I see people. Deeply. It gets me in trouble. I can sit in the subway and stare at a person while my face magically morphs into theirs. My sister hates it. I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's out of worship...not imitation.

When people talk to me I very often become too interested in what they're saying, or rather the look in their eyes, and want to dig deeper. Figure them out. Hook in. I'm not good at"light chit chat" . On the outside I look like a strong responsible woman. Maybe someones Mom. Maybe a wife...but maybe not. I brush my teeth and go to work and try to make my life flexible for sudden opportunities. What opportunities exactly I'm not quite sure. But sudden. Sudden opportunities.

I'm a VP, a founding partner, and an award winner. I have a family who loves me and a healthy dog and I get up at 7am every morning. I have a turtle. I teach, I act, I host, I produce. My resume is ridiculously long and intriguing and I don't have to be anywhere at any time unless I say so.

When I feel most alive I am zooming down the dark streets of the city, on my way to a late night performance. My $10 imitation Prada bag is packed with fake glasses or a long pink ballerina dress and my guitar is slung over my arm. My blood pumps for the unknown. The people of the night. The artists who tell the truth in the dark rooms of the lower east side. They don't speak of day jobs. They don't speak of families. They don't even ask. It's like being suspended in a moment in time where they city sleeps and you're suddenly given a few precious and secret hours to do what you're supposed to do.

Art. Truth. Raw and real work. Whatever it is. The kind that makes you walk a bit faster and fly down the subway stairs like you have wings.That's what I'm here for.

It's warm. The air of New York allowed me to glide though my day today like Spring. From one thing to another. Bouncing off the buildings like a great big bubble. I was able to enjoy a bit of this due to my commitment to action as I navigate through this period of backbreaking work.

I've created several careers for myself in the name of art. Yet how many of them ever stood out to me as a career as much as acting? None really I thought..until now. As I'm face to face with a TV show that is a combination of the four careers I have pursued the most- acting, comedy, teaching, and real estate. What a miracle really. I'm told it's my show and how active I am in terms of the way it comes out. Makes sense in a way. I mean who else has this combination of experience? Who else could do it if not me? Crazy people. That's who.

Somehow it all seems to fall into place. The many jobs. Just catching enough sleep is a blessing. So is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Amazing how you can sometimes suspend in air during the transitions we endure. Just barely hanging on. Not even. Just letting your fingers glide up the walls as you rise..praying for no bumps.

But there are bumps. Big bumps. I'm bad with bumps. I go along and there are so many more responsibilities, management of time, and keeping track of everyone's damn name and why I'm talking to them. It's overwhelming and comical and horrifying. I can see why the few friends of mine that have gained any celebrity have simply disappeared. For fear of appearing to be a blundering idiot. This is why people have personal assistants. To keep them from looking like fools. That's it. What a job.I know a couple of personal assistants and they are very good at what they do..but I'm onto them.

I tend to focus on the bumps more than the slippery slopes of easy town. My sister Becky points out to me all of the good things I have going at the moment and I laugh. Its like my resume. How can this all be real? But it is...and life is harder than ever. I hate people who say things like that. But I mean it.

I have had to cut down on social life completely. I need sleep and I don't need alcohol. I need water and moisturizer for this Irish skin of mine. I need coffee. I need to play with my dog every day. I need to stay organized as the papers pile up and each one is so darn important.

I spoke with a publicist the other day about all of my various endeavors. She told me I don't have time to publicize any of it. She's right. I need a publicist. Its not fancy. It's survival.

Pass the brie please, Madonna.

#1-SURVIVAL

I'm an actress- first and foremost. It is my best skill. It is what I am here to do. I know this. I am also a comedian, a teacher, and a film/theatre producer. I also sell real estate. I've had to navigate my way through jobs until I found my way. This is where I will share my experiences and discoveries as I travel a path as a gal in showbiz.

Sadly, when most actors say they are actors most people assume they must be waiting tables. They assume this because it is generally true. Artists of every kind struggle with finding a way to pay the bills in a way that makes them feel good about themselves. I'm convinced that this is because employers have a bad association with artists and feel their careers are an interference with the way the world works. What they don't realize is that actors can be the most loyal and fabulous employees who will do anything for you. Just let them go to auditions! Appreciate them. Encourage them. It's not their fault they were born with this talent.

My path is like any artist. A labyrinth and puzzle pieces leading me step by step through the gauntlet of survival. It's the same challenge for anyone who wants to do anything in show biz- survival. Yes..when you want to be in one of the most competitive businesses there is, chances are survival while you try to reach your goals will be a challenge. A huge challenge. In the beginning I babysat, waitressed, hosted, and answered phones. Those are what I call "typical" actor survival jobs. What I learned is that I'm a terrible waitress, but I'm funny. As long as everyone else at the restaurants I worked at understood making people laugh is what got me 20% tips and left me alone, I was fine. I was lucky enough to have 2 jobs like that. The other restaurants didn't have the pleasure of my company for very long. I've met many actors who have shriveled into dry, hard husks from working in restaurants. It's one of the saddest things ever. I was fortunate enough to have people in my life who reminded me I was an artist first and foremost and I had to honor that. To do that meant I needed to find a survival job that nurtured me and didn't kill me.

I started to temp. I figured I could stand an office as long as I wasn't there long enough to get involved with office politics or gossip. I am certain to this day that if companies just eliminated all of the hang out, gossip, liquid lunch, chit chat, water cooler, cigarette breaks of corporate America then everyone could get a work day squeezed into 4 hours and go home. I plan to try this theory when I'm working for my production company full time. I'm very efficient.

So..temping. Day 1 my supervisor pulls me aside and tells me to stop working so fast. I thought I misunderstood him. He was giving me little assignment here and there as his assistant and I was ripping through them like gangbusters. Like I said, a 4 hour day and work ethic like mine would made a better world. Anyway, he wanted me to "milk it". Stretch the filing, sorting, alphabetizing, whatever until 5pm when we would all run to the elevator like the building was on fire. I found "milking" was like a slow horrible death and a pox on my soul.

Luckily for me the next day I got a job offer. A small event firm run by a friend wanted to bring me on to produce events for huge non for profits. They would pay me $10 more than I was making is Lazy Town, and I'd be working with a bunch of young and creative women. I left at lunch and the temp agency put a hex on me. I didn't care. I just got my first paying gig in producing!

Links: My favorite waitressing job was in college at MY HERO in New Paltz, NY