#21- YOU'RE NOWHERE...'TIL YOU ARE

I see people. Deeply. It gets me in trouble. I can sit in the subway and stare at a person while my face magically morphs into theirs. My sister hates it. I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's out of worship...not imitation.

When people talk to me I very often become too interested in what they're saying, or rather the look in their eyes, and want to dig deeper. Figure them out. Hook in. I'm not good at"light chit chat" . On the outside I look like a strong responsible woman. Maybe someones Mom. Maybe a wife...but maybe not. I brush my teeth and go to work and try to make my life flexible for sudden opportunities. What opportunities exactly I'm not quite sure. But sudden. Sudden opportunities.

I'm a VP, a founding partner, and an award winner. I have a family who loves me and a healthy dog and I get up at 7am every morning. I have a turtle. I teach, I act, I host, I produce. My resume is ridiculously long and intriguing and I don't have to be anywhere at any time unless I say so.

When I feel most alive I am zooming down the dark streets of the city, on my way to a late night performance. My $10 imitation Prada bag is packed with fake glasses or a long pink ballerina dress and my guitar is slung over my arm. My blood pumps for the unknown. The people of the night. The artists who tell the truth in the dark rooms of the lower east side. They don't speak of day jobs. They don't speak of families. They don't even ask. It's like being suspended in a moment in time where they city sleeps and you're suddenly given a few precious and secret hours to do what you're supposed to do.

Art. Truth. Raw and real work. Whatever it is. The kind that makes you walk a bit faster and fly down the subway stairs like you have wings.That's what I'm here for.

It's warm. The air of New York allowed me to glide though my day today like Spring. From one thing to another. Bouncing off the buildings like a great big bubble. I was able to enjoy a bit of this due to my commitment to action as I navigate through this period of backbreaking work.

I've created several careers for myself in the name of art. Yet how many of them ever stood out to me as a career as much as acting? None really I thought..until now. As I'm face to face with a TV show that is a combination of the four careers I have pursued the most- acting, comedy, teaching, and real estate. What a miracle really. I'm told it's my show and how active I am in terms of the way it comes out. Makes sense in a way. I mean who else has this combination of experience? Who else could do it if not me? Crazy people. That's who.

Somehow it all seems to fall into place. The many jobs. Just catching enough sleep is a blessing. So is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Amazing how you can sometimes suspend in air during the transitions we endure. Just barely hanging on. Not even. Just letting your fingers glide up the walls as you rise..praying for no bumps.

But there are bumps. Big bumps. I'm bad with bumps. I go along and there are so many more responsibilities, management of time, and keeping track of everyone's damn name and why I'm talking to them. It's overwhelming and comical and horrifying. I can see why the few friends of mine that have gained any celebrity have simply disappeared. For fear of appearing to be a blundering idiot. This is why people have personal assistants. To keep them from looking like fools. That's it. What a job.I know a couple of personal assistants and they are very good at what they do..but I'm onto them.

I tend to focus on the bumps more than the slippery slopes of easy town. My sister Becky points out to me all of the good things I have going at the moment and I laugh. Its like my resume. How can this all be real? But it is...and life is harder than ever. I hate people who say things like that. But I mean it.

I have had to cut down on social life completely. I need sleep and I don't need alcohol. I need water and moisturizer for this Irish skin of mine. I need coffee. I need to play with my dog every day. I need to stay organized as the papers pile up and each one is so darn important.

I spoke with a publicist the other day about all of my various endeavors. She told me I don't have time to publicize any of it. She's right. I need a publicist. Its not fancy. It's survival.

Pass the brie please, Madonna.

#6-TO TEACH, OR NOT TO TEACH?

I teach Improvisation. Sounds simple. Sounds like half a gazillion other classes in New York. Which makes me mad. My classes are so different. I'm almost embarrassed to say they're improv. I should say it's "reclaiming your kid self", or "learning how to play again", or "friggin lighten up"! One of those.

Improv became VERY hot in NYC when a certain "improv school who shall remain nameless" opened up about a decade or so ago. All of the sudden a blessed art form became a money making cash cow that seemed to open a door to a comedy career to every actor in New York who was too afraid to do stand up. That sounds harsh..I know. But these are the people who were preyed upon. Beginners. New comers. Guys who found this an opportunity to "feel like a man" and women who wanted to be brave and try to break though the male dominated comedy scene. Sadly...many of them lost. Luckily many of them found me and took my classes afterwards.

I saw it happen. The "improv scene" was like a quickly growing virus. The levels, the stages, the incredible never-ending improv "pyramid" that got you closer and closer to the goal of one day performing. The psychosis of "teaching" these actors how to free their minds and hearts turned into creating competitive, blocked, un-clever bores. Ooh-that's harsh again. Can you tell my opinion of these schools? Pissed off. They even went so far as to pit improvisers against each other! This was for marketing purposes- I'm telling you. "Long form vs. short form". Can you believe this one? The message was that long form was for smart actors and short was for the stupid. Or short was for the quick witted and long was for the slow meandering dummies. Its "New York vs. Chicago". It's crap is what it is. It's money. It's "I teach THIS method and can't do the other kind-or don't want to be bothered". Can you believe it? I've seen almost fist fights over this. I'm not kidding.

You may say, "Now Sam, calm down! Why do you care what these people do to make a buck off of unassuming actors who don't know any better?" Here's why I care.

I studied acting seriously for over 10 years starting at the age of 12. I come from a family of actors and directors, so I practiced what I studied often. I went to the "FAME" school for high school. Four years of half of my school day was filled with acting classes. I learned a lot of great stuff, but I also learned some very un-organic ways of doing things which I had to seriously break when I moved onto college. It didn't take long, but I realized that a good teacher is rare. Very rare. Also learning how to act can screw up your mind. Many acting teachers have egos and if you cross them they will abandon you and your creative path to becoming an actor. In fact they may even convince you that you will never be an actor and you will quit. I've seen it. Many times. Trust me.

I teach because I love it. I learn from my students and am inspired with their courage. I teach actors and non actors. I teach everyone how to play again. We all have the same blocks. We start telling ourselves we can't do things from a VERY young age. Especially during puberty. Society tells us we can't do things because of gender roles. It's sick. So we stop. We stop our impulses because they could be wrong. What is we make a fool of ourselves? What then? WHAT THEN???? Here's what....who cares? "Never be embarrassed by anything you do". My mother told me that at a very young age and I lived by it. As a result I have very few memories of being humiliated and I never dream of teaching in the nude. In fact I love being naked and am...often. Ask anyone.

Oh it's a sad state of affairs. It really is. Particularly with the state of our country and the fear that's running rampant through the streets. I wish I had a microphone to everyones house so I could say, "Look- I know life is crazy busy. I know a class is the last thing in the world you want to do. But if you take my class you will be FREE! Just come. Trust me. Just trust me." I say this to whomever I can. I mean it. It's not for me. It's for them. Get me while you still can.

We play in my classes. We laugh. We let go. We find ourselves again and are startled at our instinctual creativity. We are amazed at what we have to contribute. We feel important again and remember why we're here. Or maybe for once we realize what our purpose is and what we should really be doing besides spinning our wheels every day.

My students are all over the city. They do all kinds of things with their lives. But I am happy to say they have all felt what it is like to be free and be themselves. Their essential selves. Their true selves. So I teach. Yes...I teach.