#13- Covers

It feels like Fall today in August and I'm wearing a sweater. It's been a jittery few days back in he city as once again I am faced with change. Shifts. A friend said yesterday that Fall is her "New Year" and I couldn't agree more. For me this time feels like a cosmic shift of tremendous proportions. Not sure why.

I was back at Penny's Open Mic last night. What a night. That's an understatement. After a weekend of what felt like pushing my brain back into forward motion I found myself suddenly having to push ahead full steam as once again I witnessed bravery. The theme was COVERS and almost everyone went up and did their version for someone else's work. Can you even picture an artistic community where the performers see each other work so often hen can actually "cover" it? It's stunning.

There were a few musicians who were covered a lot- Sean T. Hanratty, Joe Yoga, and Alabaster Rhumb. Listen to their stuff and you'll know why. Paul covered Alabaster and then did an amazing version of the song FAME. I love that song. I went to Performing Arts in the 80's. I lived FAME.

Two women covered each other. Smashing- screaming- dancing- hot and wild covers. One under a cover...a sheet in fact. Speaking of sheets. I danced under one last night. A performer named Jake whom everyone has named "New Guy" brought a sheet and asked women to dance with him under the sheet while all the guitar players played around us. The musicians fell into a great theme song for "New Guy" and I found myself under a sheet dancing and laughing like I was 5 years old.

I covered the open mic itself. I played the "ticket taker". I'd like to go back and work this piece some more. It was very bizarre dong a piece so specific to where I was performing. I was careful about offending people, which has nevern even been a concernin the past becasue I never write about actual people and places. I create weird new ones. I kept most of the focus on Penny-which of course she was fine with. But I think I'd like to make the piece more non-specific and out there. Really capture the cult feeling of the underground performance scene. Make it even more ridiculous that it is...if that's even possible. Quite frankly the scene is still very new to me and makes me a little jittery. I think I'm going to delet one part which was specific to one performer. Too close to home.


Tim Warner performed last night and I was lucky to get to know him a bit more. Tim is a comedian and a musician. He's got this cool edge to him and a deep appreciation for good performance. He's talented. Very. Last night I had the pleasure of dancing with him backstage like we were teenagers in high school. Literally. You know a guy is cool when you say "let's high school dance" and they do...no questions asked. In case you're wondering what that is? It's slow dancing with one persons face smashed into the nook of the other persons neck. Try it. It immediately makes you feel 12 and makes you laugh. We danced to Joe Yoga by the way.

One of my students performed last night, Elena. I was thrilled to see her. Man she's talented and has come so far. It's inspiring. She sang some of her songs on electric guitar. She was fabulous. Penny told me she'd seen her while I was away and already loved her work before she even knew she was one of my students. I love that.

This is like a journal entry. Ah... so what!

There were many highlights last night. luckydave covered like 2 1/2 people...Marsha covered Penny. I am now gearing up to produce the first of many shows called UNTIL MIDNIGHT. I'm co-producing with Bricken Sparacino. It's a monthly variety show where anything goes. After, the audience is transported to an undisclosed location for an after party. It's pretty hot. Our goal is to bring the underground performance scene to audiences who would never even know where to find us. Pretty neat, huh? Our first show is September 25th...come. Maybe I can lure you into this wild and blessed place.

#12-UP IN MY IVORY TOWER

On my way back from glorious Provincetown I jammed out in the car to the soundtrack of "Pretty in Pink". I was going home from Carnival Day in good ol' P-Town where I was privileged enough to view the spectacular parade from one of the few terraces on Commercial street. I've always dreamed of knowing someone who would invite me to their apartment on Central Park West so I could watch the Thanksgiving Parade like I was Mr. Macy. This was almost like that. But naked-er.

As I stood in the evil sun howling for beads to be thrown in my towering direction, my lofty goals for the future flooded me. This was the last day of vacation and according to popular expectations I was to be refreshed and ready for what the world has ready for me. Halloween?

But then as I sat there covered in jalapeno mardi gras beads I came across an unusual email asking me to review a show. This was new for me but apparently my blog had warranted this invitation so I happily accepted. Earlier this year I was asked to judge The Manhattan Monologue Slam as well. I suppose I'm now "seasoned" enough to be an expert in my field. Guess I shouldn't mention that inside I still feel 12 years old. My ice cream consumption on this vacation alone equates with at least an entire 7th grade class.

So goals. Here's one a friend said he recently accomplished. Not to react emotionally to anything. Hmm. Is this possible? If so then this is my new "goal". I've reacted to lots of things emotionally. Evidence of this is joining gyms I'd go to for 5 minutes and never go again. Texting ex-boyfriends god knows what just cuz I'm feeling "emotional". Eating a whole bag of tortilla chips and salsa just cuz I feel like I deserve it. Storming out of the room in the middle of an argument only to reappear a minute later when my "emotions" subside apologising profusely. This is what you'd call "reacting emotionally."

I think it's safe to say I'd like to do none of these things again.My friend who apparently reached this goal just moved out to LA after a wild night of drinking Mr. Jack Daniels himself. Emotionally. But he gave all of us good advice on our futures and said we should all follow him to LA and live with him. That seems logical.

Regardless, as a result my goal is to be more methodical. To plan a bit. To make some goals and then steps to accomplish them. Actually tell myself NO sometimes. That's a big one cuz I think I deserve just about everything I want when I want it. Not in a selfish way, just in a "I work so hard I need a lift" way. And when I say "lift" I don't mean like a snort of coke. Just to clarify. Just what I need. "Did you read Sam's blog? She's recovering from a "need a lift" habit."

I sit here now back in NYC and my fabulous friend just texted me. He's a casting director for a zillion reality shows ad films and I just love him to bits. Another goal for me is to really focus on the friends I have made recently. Really look at the ones I'm floating with right now and make note of why they're my friends. This sounds dumb as I write it, but there's been a real shift in my world and I want to really see it clearly. The open mics, new friends-and there are a lot of them, new business colleagues. I want to hook onto why now? Why these people? I guess my ultimate goal is to just be more present in my life and really know what the hecks going on.

Life flys by and just like thousands of flying mardi gras beads all the pretty colors can be gone in an instant. This time...I'm gonna really live it.

#11-HOOKED IN

Tuning in to a new phase of creativity can be a challenge. It's clearing all the pathways of mass media muck and disciplining yourself to be quiet for more than 10 minutes at a time. The rat prattle of the world comes in and barrages you in a way that stops you from listening. It's our challenge in life to remain clear to our ultimate purpose. What are we here? Once that question is answered everything about what we do about everyday must be in pursuit of this goal.

No. People say no. They say it a lot. They say it when we're little. No! Don't touch that. Don't eat that. Don't speak too loud. Stop. Don't be weird. Beeeee normal. Fit in. We grow up and suddenly our bodies do things we have no control over. This makes us mad and crazy. Afraid. We have no control over how we look...to a certain point. Puberty is a nightmare. This is when we stop looking like everyone else and we become what we are supposed to be. But what do we do? We squeeze into small jeans. We lay on a ton of cosmetics. We grease and gel our hair. We pluck and tweeze and tame and stop whatever makes us different. Whatever makes us stand out. We shun those who stay true to themselves and claim that we are DOWN...TO...EARTH. The nerve we have.

I sit here on/in Cape Cod trying to leave the city behind. That which has inspired me most I have left to itself and I sit here in a loft of a barn seeking my muse. I am developing a piece inspired by "the scene" I have discovered and find myself having to dig very deep. To rile up the essence of this world and get to the core of it very quickly. It's itching at me...it's bubbling up. I'm impatient because living in NYC makes me that way...but I can't rush process.

I ask myself what it is that brings me there. What is it that sends me to open mics and shows that last well into the wee hours of the morning when I have auditions and jobs to tend to? Why am I energized when I wake up even after a beer or two? Why aren't I spent and drained?

As I've talked to each one of these artists I have learned a bit about their lives. Jobs, kids, relationships...just like anyone else. They congregate more than once a week at the various performance venues they've taken over and that is where many of them remain. They don't know about places I've been performing in all of these years just as I didn't know about their shows. They perform together so much they even perform each others work for each other and even perform pieces that reference each other...like celebrities. A friend of mine who came to a show commented on a piece performed by one of the regulars. It was about how this performer was going to wrestle another on of the performers on some other night. She referred to he wrestling partner as if we would all know who that was. Of course I knew who it was...but my friend didn't. Neither did her husband who was also there. I thought this was FABULOUS! The best part is it didn't even occur to me they wouldn't know what this woman was talking about because I have been so sucked into this group...well to me they are celebrities. Everyone should know who these people are. That's crazy and AMAZING!

I have been in the main stream as on offbeat personality for some time. I've produced shows for the general public for years and years. Universality and common understanding has been a goal of mine. It's a way for me to bring very different people to a common ground they didn't know they shared. We are all one. That's what my work does. It makes us all on the same playing ground. I love this idea that the "Art Stars" and stars in their own right and speak of each other as if their world is every ones world. Not in an exclusive way. It's "IN-clusive". It draws you in. You WANT to know these people immediately. It's like coming into the SOPRANOS mid season. You have no idea who anyone is but once your friend gives you the 5 minute run down you're HOOKED! That's these people!

I'm slowly getting it. I am. By the time I'm back home I will have one kick ass monologue ready...and it will HOOK everyone in.The same way they're hooked me.

#10- Seven Minutes in Heaven

I'm standing backstage at the Under St. Marks theatre snapping on my handcuffs...a total shocker for Paul even though he's seen this piece before. I'm not really the "handcuffs type". It's 12:30am and my name will be called any minute. Penny's on the reserve list now so we only get 5 minutes each. As a result I cut my opener to this piece which includes me actually dressing on stage using the audience as my "mirror". That's the beauty of the work I try to do. It moves and breathes with the circumstances I'm performing in. I've had to learn to not be rigid. To remember my piece is in service of the people watching it. I cater to them. I take them in. Acting is reacting. No fourth wall allowed. Nothing precious. Just real and in the moment. Raw.

Each week as I get further and further in the "Art Star"scene, I am humbled. Each person has their own level of commercial success happening. Either they're producing or touring soon or just finished a run. None of that matters here. Here at the open mic it's about the work. The craft of evolving a piece. I see it when people come up on the stage. The have a mission. It's like this is their last 7 minutes on stage and they are determined to drink every last drop.

I stand backstage and I listen. People are tired. A little drunk. A little high. It's late. Many have left but many have stayed. The ones who stay are like me. They find the value in watching the whole show. Also, it's the one year anniversary of the show so theres a whole sweet love for seeing this night through. I feel lucky to be here. Week 4 and they all treat me like I'm one of the gang.

Names are called. People have left. I'm getting closer to bringing my piece out. I'm excitied and intrigued to see how it lands. How it comes out of me. I never know until I'm out there and I hear them breathing. I'm excited to bring this piece to these people. It's right up their ally.

I brought friends with me tonight. They left early. These are my friends who I introduce my incredible discoveries to. Like "Rock and Roll Karaoke" at Arlene's Grocery. We went there every week for 2 years straight , I think. It was a spiritual experience for me. Just like this scene has become. I wanted them to see it. I wanted to tell them who each person was: Master Lee, John Murdock, luckydave, Ben Couch, Penny, New Guy, Marsha, Joe Yoga..all of these people...these characters...how can I sum it up. I can't. They have to experience it for themselves. Until I performed the ballerina I did for all of them last week and they all talked to me, I was wandering around and watching and listening...absorbing them. I do this when I'm in a new group. Takes awhile. But once you have me...I'm hard to shake ( ;

Penny introduces me like a rock star. Man. First time I've been introduced as an "amazing chic" and it sends me over the moon. Who is this Penny? She should have her own TV show. Probably the last thing in the world she wants. She plays the bass guitar. That's very cool.

I come out in my 1940's vintage garb and my handcuffs. I adjust the stage and take a seat. I see John Murdock slam into his seat and snuggle down like he's getting ready to watch his all-time favorite Alfred Hitchcock film. John looks like James Dean and when you look in his eyes you know he has the key to the underworld...in a funny way...how is that possible? He gets my darkness. It's awesome. His laughter boarders on criminal insanity when I perform. My favorite kind.

A man who calls himself George takes pictures during my set. He is very interesting to me. I only met him last night. I can't help but take him in during my piece and at times intentionally pose. Click click click. How can you ignore that? I've never had that experience before. Very interesting. Fed me.

I'd talk about my piece...but you can watch it on You Tube... . I thought it might resonate with this group, but I had to make sure my performance was vulnerable and open. I can very easily turn into a female Hannible Lechter in this, so my goal was to stay open and honest. Beauty on the outside to lure them in...then snap their necks. This is the characters intention. Sweet, huh?

Paul howled. Penny was throwing all of her positive vibes my way. John was convulsing. The room gave me plenty of time to pause and take them in. It was great, but I became worried about the 5 minutes..wishing it was 7. I kept going. Lucky Dave was in the booth and promised to ice my piece with a delicious blackout. I kept going. It was different but good. Felt like this character finally had a home. A place where her wild antics of tongue cutting was finally understood. Ha! That's sick and great.

Maybe to honor your art...truly...you have to find that on-stage place where you belong. Does that make sense? When writing I try to combine the beauty and hilarity of people with their resonant and very lonely undertones. We're all so lonely, aren't we? Ultimately? Isn't so much of our lives just wandering around asking and hoping to be understood? Man. It sits with me this morning as I watch a crazy woman report the weather and I drink my very dark French roast. It's raw.

I'm moved once again. Inspired. I leave town Friday for 2 weeks I think. Vacation. Ice cream and the beach. Funny. For some reason this feeling of awakening is more of a vacation feeling than clam strips could bring me right now. It's heaven.

John has asked me to do a half hour or so in his show tomorrow. I think I will. Come.

God Tastes Like Chicken

#9- THE CULT OF PERSONALITY

I've mentioned my new entrance into a certain "underground performance scene" in NYC. It began with Pennie's Open Mic on the Lower East Side. It's been 3 weeks now. I've regularly attended each week. I've performed twice. My students have attended at my request. I wish I'd known this world when I began as a solo performer. Penny herself said to me how much she loves this "magical train wreck" of talent and people. That's exactly what it is. Here's why it's different than any other "scene" in NYC. It's the instinct to support to GROW as an artist. I'll explain.

When I started working as a stand up comedian in 1993 I thrust myself into the world of commercial comedy clubs. Filled with what seemed to be polished, professional comedians...all men...I was quickly intimidated. I was only given 5 minutes to perform but was required to bring every last human being I knew to pay a cover and two drink minimum. If I didn't I did not get my 5 minutes. So as I'd stand in the lobby sweating and worrying about "my people" showing up the show would begin...with other comics...who brought no one it seemed. As the years went on I learned that these comics we not famous. At all. They were comics who trolled around town night after night, club after club, open mic after open mic until the wee hours of the morning seeking "stage time". They were stage time leeches. King Schmoozers. Creatures of the night. Me? I had a nice smile.

Open mics were disillusioning. Nobody watched. The room was filled with "comics" who had their head down, scribbling into their notebooks while others performed. It was incredibly disconcerting, but at the time I traveled with a small band of fledgling comics who forced me to go to these things. I felt on the outside. Naive. Young. Weird. Tricked. Under-drugged and pure. Could NYC really be this un-nurturing?

As time marched on I found others who felt as I did. They craved a more supportive scene where they didn't have to be a slave to bringing people. Slowly we all began producing our own shows. They were a step up from open mics because they were pre-booked. It was a whole different hang and it's where I found my solo voice. But yet and still...something was and is missing from that scene...

The cult of personality. Joe Yoga, an incredibly eclectic musician and a nice and genuine human described the "new"scene I've come upon as "the cult of personality". It is the perfect way to describe this. It's a place for artists who thrive on "the personality" of others. Sitting and watching a truly brave and unique performance that really comes from an artists core is like electricity. It's food. These performers are performing from who they essentially are. Not like something they saw on TV or some "idea" of showbiz they think to be commercial enough for someone to want to pay them for it. It's them. Nobody can sit and scribble what they are doing in their notebook or even attempt to imitate what they are seeing. It's impossible. It's magic. It's why they were born.

Ok that's heavy. But here's why I have discovered this "scene" when I have. At this particular moment. It's because prior to finding it, I had finally gotten "in my body". In it. I get Samantha Jones. Not only do I get her, I really like her. What I perform and create is from so deep inside me it's like not only when you see me get up on stage do you say Hey! Theres that red head again.., but when I perform you'll immediatly understand what makes me different. It makes sense why I am here, creating, and giving it to people to enjoy. It's not just for me. I'm the vessel...the engine...the housing for these messages. I'm happy to say...it's HILARIOUS! It's so fun. What comes out of me is totally and completely original, ridiculous, and damn funny.

I got to show this part of myself to the gang at Pennies on Tuesday. Their reaction felt like being tossed into the air and floating in the stars. They got it. They get me. I'm very grateful and very fortunate.

You learn when you perform, but you also learn when you watch. To watch a true and original performance reminds me I will always grow as a performer and I owe it to everyone to be brave and take risks of my own. I urge the roving"comics" to stop roving. Sit and witness and grow a little. It's worth it. The work will humble you. Don't judge it. Just watch it. Don't just sign up and leave only to return when it's your time to perform. You're missing out if you do. Trust me. I've been in both worlds.

This summer I will continue to sit with my hands at my sides and surrender to this gift of watching these amazing people. I'll also share my stuff and promise to write more than I have in the past year. I've officially joined the cult... and I'm staying ( ;