#12-UP IN MY IVORY TOWER

On my way back from glorious Provincetown I jammed out in the car to the soundtrack of "Pretty in Pink". I was going home from Carnival Day in good ol' P-Town where I was privileged enough to view the spectacular parade from one of the few terraces on Commercial street. I've always dreamed of knowing someone who would invite me to their apartment on Central Park West so I could watch the Thanksgiving Parade like I was Mr. Macy. This was almost like that. But naked-er.

As I stood in the evil sun howling for beads to be thrown in my towering direction, my lofty goals for the future flooded me. This was the last day of vacation and according to popular expectations I was to be refreshed and ready for what the world has ready for me. Halloween?

But then as I sat there covered in jalapeno mardi gras beads I came across an unusual email asking me to review a show. This was new for me but apparently my blog had warranted this invitation so I happily accepted. Earlier this year I was asked to judge The Manhattan Monologue Slam as well. I suppose I'm now "seasoned" enough to be an expert in my field. Guess I shouldn't mention that inside I still feel 12 years old. My ice cream consumption on this vacation alone equates with at least an entire 7th grade class.

So goals. Here's one a friend said he recently accomplished. Not to react emotionally to anything. Hmm. Is this possible? If so then this is my new "goal". I've reacted to lots of things emotionally. Evidence of this is joining gyms I'd go to for 5 minutes and never go again. Texting ex-boyfriends god knows what just cuz I'm feeling "emotional". Eating a whole bag of tortilla chips and salsa just cuz I feel like I deserve it. Storming out of the room in the middle of an argument only to reappear a minute later when my "emotions" subside apologising profusely. This is what you'd call "reacting emotionally."

I think it's safe to say I'd like to do none of these things again.My friend who apparently reached this goal just moved out to LA after a wild night of drinking Mr. Jack Daniels himself. Emotionally. But he gave all of us good advice on our futures and said we should all follow him to LA and live with him. That seems logical.

Regardless, as a result my goal is to be more methodical. To plan a bit. To make some goals and then steps to accomplish them. Actually tell myself NO sometimes. That's a big one cuz I think I deserve just about everything I want when I want it. Not in a selfish way, just in a "I work so hard I need a lift" way. And when I say "lift" I don't mean like a snort of coke. Just to clarify. Just what I need. "Did you read Sam's blog? She's recovering from a "need a lift" habit."

I sit here now back in NYC and my fabulous friend just texted me. He's a casting director for a zillion reality shows ad films and I just love him to bits. Another goal for me is to really focus on the friends I have made recently. Really look at the ones I'm floating with right now and make note of why they're my friends. This sounds dumb as I write it, but there's been a real shift in my world and I want to really see it clearly. The open mics, new friends-and there are a lot of them, new business colleagues. I want to hook onto why now? Why these people? I guess my ultimate goal is to just be more present in my life and really know what the hecks going on.

Life flys by and just like thousands of flying mardi gras beads all the pretty colors can be gone in an instant. This time...I'm gonna really live it.