#23- BUMPS AND BRUISES

You have one life and then suddenly it's all different.

Break ups. I sit here watching this incredible snow storm and am overwhelmed with how little is in all of our control. It's particularly obvious when relationships break up. People promise this and that to each other and sometimes it all works out that way. But isn't it weird when it doesn't? I mean, seriously. We should be able to say I wanna spend my life with a person and be able to do it. Happily.

But we change, don't we? The winds push us here and there and as we continue our journey along we realize the only constant we have is us. Ourselves. That's liberating and horrifying all at once. Yay me! Oh no...me!

I just watched this random video I found online of my ex. My major ex. The ex of eight years. Meaning we were together officially for eight years and that was after many prior years of a dance of trying to get together... and then back together. "My ex."

I google him and poke around and find nothing of me. Nothing. Not that I'm surprised or sad because hell...come on, let's move on? But how weird is it that he has omitted this big chunk of his life from his identity? It's just gone. On social websites he describes his likes and dislikes and jobs from the phase before me and then skipping to after me. But then again there doesn't seem to be trace of any prior exes either...and I know all of them. SO odd. I'm friends with many old boyfriends. Maybe the most significant are the best ones to bury because in the end we don't truly understand the closeness and then nothing. I don't. If we knew in the beginning of a relationship that it wasn't going to work out we wouldn't bring them so close. Would we? That's a dirty trick. Who made that one up?

I am in a new phase now. Because of my age I don't get as emotionally wrapped up with people as I did. But I do assume a familiarity. A grounded-ness. Maybe it's from my teaching so many years. I like to get to the point quickly and I don't assume the end all and be all. That's the different between 20's and 30's. At least mine.

I see people clearer now that I did and my time is selectively spent. I'm more productive and am entering the beginning of a very heavy reflective phase. That's where the writing is coming from. But one thing about be remains constant all the way through and keeps developing. I am "in the moment." Completely. What happens around me immediately effects me and I don't hide it. Yo know what I think just by looking at me. This embarrasses some people when they catch my alarm or deep curiosity dripping off my chin. But it's what makes me a good actress and allows me to bounce along with this ever changing life of mine. It's who I am. I am deeply interested in humanity and what we are doing with ourselves.

So I am back at Penny's this Tuesday. I can't wait. My friend Bricken is the special guests, which will be a hoot! These people live lives that change all the time and they take their bumps and bruises to the stage and share.

My turn...