#3-YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

We all say "I can't". All the time. Out loud or just in our heads. I actually think society programs this. Maybe to make us dependent on drugs and food and sex and all of those wonderful things we sometimes use to distract ourselves from what we're thinking. It's tragic really.

I've said "can't" to myself. It's usually when I feel afraid. Like I'm suddenly face to face with some huge challenge and either I don't WANT to do it or I'm AFRAID I won't succeed. Or worse...I'm afraid I will succeed. Someone told a great story in a seminar I took this last weekend at the Commercial Theatre Institute. They were talking about the famous wagon trail people took to get to California. It was straight and flat and for miles and miles. But you knew you're goal because at the very end of the road was a big mountain and you could see it. On the one hand it was great because you could see your final destination, but on the other hand it was so far away and seemed like you might never get there. The worst part is it took so long to get there and people has this goal in their head for so long that when they finally got there they freaked out. They didn't know what to do with themselves. At least on the long trail they knew what their goal was. Problem was...that was their only goal. Getting there.

That story scares me to death. I feel like my whole life I have been striving for this one goal. To be a working actress. As time marched on I branched out into producing, teaching, selling real estate, many things. Each one of these branches started to have their own goals. But that one goal of mine is still true. To make a living as a professional actress. Here's whats scary. I've done that. I have actually made enough money to live on as an actress already, but somewhere in my head I think I haven't reached that goal yet. Perhaps what has happened as a result of all of the influence of the various branches of my career, my goal has changed. It's evolved. Making money as an actress isn't all I want. Or if it is, how I go about doing at and what projects I do has become more specific.

Now I want my production company to be up and running with major gas in it's tank. I want the freedom to act or direct or produce or write what I want when I want. I want to continue to teach. It's my way of giving back. I also want to give striving showbiz professionals an opportunity to work with us and learn in a supportive environment that doesn't treat them like a garbage.

Speaking of getting treated like garbage- here's a story for you. There was a period of time when my sisters were working as PA's on films and productions around town. They were learning about lighting and production and trying to make some connections. It was better than waitressing. Well one sister got a job on a HUGE movie. HUGE HUGE HUGE. Big budget. Many days of work. She was thrilled. This beautiful, funny talented filmmaker saw this as her opportunity to take her experience and put it to work. Get this. They paid her a bare minimum to be a slave. Seriously. She was working insane hours in a stressful atmosphere. They had her running errands like a madwoman. One day she called me and asked me to come pick her up. She was going to quit. I zoomed downtown and she came out of the building a couple of minutes later. She walked over to me and promptly vomited her guts out in a garbage can. Then she cried for a second or two and then smiled with relief. It was like she'd be let out of jail. I will never ever operate a set like that or treat anyone like that. If you can't treat people with respect and afford to pay them a living wage-DON'T MAKE MOVIES.

When I started producing I had to teach myself everything. I couldn't afford fancy budgeting software. I also had no idea what I was doing. I mean I had some idea. I'd produced a bit in college and I certainly understood all of the aspects of the theatre at least from my many years as an actress. But truly, when I started producing I had to learn the most important tool VERY quickly. How to NOT alienate people. When you don't know anything you have to ask questions. You have to learn how to ask them in a way so that people will want to answer them. You also have to learn how to ask them in a way that doesn't make you look like an inexperienced buffoon. You're reputation is all you'll ever have that's worth anything. You don't want to appear to be a stalker. You want to be graceful, have humor, and be your best representative. You have to know how cool you are. Look at what you know as opposed to what you don't know. Look at the journey as a journey...not an endless marathon with a short time limit to the finish line.

Remember that when you start you may not KNOW anything, but you can DO anything. So just begin.....