#33 - MY DOG DIED

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                                          Photo by Andrea Reese 2011

My dog died.   He died an abrupt and swift death in slow motion. 

The vet injected him with a tranquilizer and his body veered to the left…towards my mother, who caught him.

When his head rested on her arm- with the first relief he’d felt in months – I told the vet it was time to let him go and she ended it. 

He was a dog. A dog! For eleven years his schedule scheduled mine and in the wee hours after I'd come home…from performance spaces and places…he'd greet me like I was the Easter Bunny.  It didn’t matter how my set went. It didn’t matter who had broken my heart. It didn’t matter what bills I hadn’t paid yet….To MAX…I was the sun and the moon. 

I named him Max because my boyfriend at the time hated that name for a baby.  I loved it!  He said, "Since you love that name so much, use it for the dog".  The same day Max died my ex had a baby he named Dashielle…

So, here’s the truth.  Relationships matter.  We aren’t tough. No matter how little or insignificant our fleeting times are together….they're heart wrenching when they are over.  And they resonate.  Deeply. 

Sex matters.  It can be once…It can be eight years. Man or woman the vibrations of that person stick like glue.  Don’t fool yourself. 

A late night conversation about art over really great Irish whiskey….matters.  It sticks with you.  A connection…on a whimsical trip to Europe with an unattainable person…matters….it sticks with you.  It defines you. 

My eleven years with Max the dog made me who I am…a little…I’m a person who will schedule her life around the well being of someone I love.   I am a person who will feed pills to someone I love by covering my hand in peanut butter…twice a day.  Ill wash poop off of them, wash them in lavender soap, blow dry them and wrap them in a blanket…Ill wash them before washing myself…over and over.  Ill push them in a carriage in central park…and it will do me good to get some fresh are. 

After Max died I was in my apartment. I decided to throw out his toys.  After that I efficiently called my super to schedule him to come and fix my sink.  After we agreed on a time, I said I had to tell him one more thing….Max was gone.  I expected a nice response…so sorry for your loss. Instead he said “NOOOOOO…Max was my friend.” 

Turns out Max did some damage on this earth. While he was so busy loving me, turns out he loved all of the people in my life who had met him.  He'd made an impression.  He validated the people in my life as part of my family…without me knowing.  He left me with some damage control.  People are sad hes gone.

Max showed me how much the people in my life love me.  The people outside of my family who want to know me….he bridged them in…perhaps when I wouldn’t.  Couldn't …didnt see

My dog died.  His name was Max.  I will never forget him.